I’ve heard a lot of women use the expression “I have one life”. My ex said it once after a bunch of room keys flew out my hands and missed her face by whisker and since then whenever I look at my own mother or hear stories of other women who walked away from abusive situations, that expression pops into my mind.
When I first heard it, I found it a bit self-centred. Are you trying to tell me that your life is more important than mine or that I am wasting your precious time? Then why don’t you and your own life mosey off somewhere else and enjoy your one life with someone else then?!
I guess that was just the masculine socialization talking, not mention to those bloody heated emotions.
But in retrospect I have come to look at things differently. Women by their very nature acknowledge that they look to their men for strength, protection and love and in order to get their men to feel like men, they don’t mind serving them, soothing their pride, stroking their egos and allowing them to be in charge. However men have often abused this privilege and literally go to town on their women and not in a good way. And so it dawned on me that this expression “I have one life” that I keep hearing Kenyan women using or alluding to as SoulSpinster did in her post on Abusive Husbands, actually meant.
Women are basically admitting their emotional vulnerability in the relationship but woe on you if you take her kindness for weakness, she’ll be gone before you know it. Simple as that.
Meanwhile my namesake rapper Joe Budden just released a new song: “Ordinary Love Shit Part 3: Closure” where he basically admits to beating up his exes, losing unborn children because of it, police arrests for assault and battery, restraining orders and other shit like that. The blogosphere and the twittersphere have been ranting and raving about it especially since Mr. Budden has always put out some thought provoking music but his recent revelations have left many distancing himself from the apparent serial woman-beater. I guess its okay for Eminem to do it, besides that white boy talks shit about his own mother so Kim and all those unfortunate women that crossed his path were bound to end up victims of some sort of abuse, right?
Anyways, back to reality, I’ve almost been that guy that wants to grab her by the throat and make her feel how I feel inside (autoerotic asphyxiation intentions aside) and its not something I’m proud of. I guess relationships and marriages have those intense moments but the important thing is always respect… and never bottling things inside to the point of exploding. Communicate, menfolk! Talk to your women. Don’t let things fester inside of you then take it all out on her. If you’re unhappy with something and you think she’s not doing enough about it, just walk out and leave.