Day 176 (On the verge of…)

Mood: Quiet

Mode: Douloureux

Thoughts:

On the verge of getting dumped, that’s what. No amount of introspection, words, actions and time can seem to change what is about to happen. Apparently the concerns I started to raise about the state of our relationship were nothing compared to the permanent doubts, mistrust and lost hope she’s silently carried with her all these months concerning us. She says she has never gotten over what I did to her and so since then things have just been piling up until now. She told me yesterday she wants a break.

I have never claimed that what we have is perfect although, in my eyes, she is the closest thing to perfection I’ll have ever had and I know there was a time when her eyes saw the same perfection in me.

Indeed, the road to hell is paved with good intentions and my intentions were for us to make the most of being in the same city yet my actions were saying the complete opposite. I acted as if we were still continents apart: emailing, tweeting and smses: relationship on a screen, instead of making efforts to call her, see her and be a part of her life.

Even as I stand at the precipice of our relationship, I fall hoping I was able to make her life a little better in whatever way. And for all the things I cannot take back, I gave them to her with my whole heart and soul. I have never known a love like hers and almost two years later, she is still my world.

I will never forget her.

———–

Now playing: Marsha Ambrosius – “Start to Finish”

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