Day 171 (Father’s Day)

Mood: Tired

Mode: Distrait

Thoughts:…

One of the things I promised myself I would do once I got home was to look up my father. As the oldest in his long, long list of children, I felt it was my duty to confront the man and ask him the kind of questions I’ve always wanted to ask him. Ideally, I’d want to speak to him man-to-man and not get emotional over it all but I dont know whether I would be able to resist the uncontrollable desire to ask him: “why?” I resent the part of me that wants to ask him to help me understand “why he did what he did” or “why he left us” or “what happened”. Perhaps my resentment is just a deep-seated fear that I wouldnt be able to handle the truth. Whatever that means.
So, all I’m left with is grudges, bad memories, anger, disappointment and sadness that I’ll continue to carry with me until the day I become a father and experience the joys and pains of fatherhood for myself.

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3 thoughts on “Day 171 (Father’s Day)

  1. The durex ad was funny at least.

    You may get your answers, or you may not. Or you may one day notice you were better off without him. But you’ll never stop asking those questions – they never really go away.

    Just remember, you’re the man that your mother made you – you both are. And right now, that’s more than good enough. Take it from a mum 😉

  2. @3CB Me and my silly daddy issues. I’m a grown man now, it’s about time I got over it really. I’ve been fortunate to have an exceptional parent all these years and I hope to be the same to my little ones some day! 🙂

  3. Pingback: Day 222 (NDE…End?) « thoughts and sparkles…

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