Day 169…

Mood: Pensive

Mode: Inquiet

Thoughts:

The problem with being a “distance” relationship (which I have come to conclude is what I’m currently in, along with every single male courting a female while they’re both living in their respective parents’ homes) is that life always seems to be happening much faster than the communication and information you’re receiving from your significant other about said life. I know I’m the wrong person to preach about communication, follow-up taking a keen interest and such especially where she is concerned. So maybe what is happening now is a bit like me getting a test of my own medicine? To the point where I’m starting to feel like,
if I don’t ask, I wont be told
if I don’t insist, I’ll never know

So now, I’m back to rationalizing our relationship, going over the time-line of our communications to see whether at any point I may have (inadvertently) said or done something wrong, struggling to analyse her one-word responses, her silent moments, her general non-responsiveness and trying not take all that personally. But the problem with rationalizing is that I’m forced to make certain (scratch that, a whole lot of) assumptions and this can be dangerous because I don’t want to assume anything.
I know I should know what I know and what I don’t know or have doubts about, I should be able to ask right?! Right. But right now the only thing I can say I know is that she still wants to be in this relationship with me. Everything else at this stage are subject to my assumptions that she’s just doing her thing, living her life, enjoying her fleeting youth and that somewhere in all of that, she remembers me and thinks about us from time to time.

Life goes on, I guess.

———-

Now playing: Erykah Badu – “20 Feet Tall”

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5 thoughts on “Day 169…

  1. @Tricia: Deep down I could sense things werent okay, I just didnt think they’d get this bad. Assumptions always end up being so far off the mark.. especially right now.

  2. Pingback: Day 176 (On the verge of…) « thoughts and sparkles…

  3. Pingback: Day 222 (NDE…End?) « thoughts and sparkles…

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