Mood: Comme Ci, Comme Ça
Don’t let the babyface and my apparent lack of facial hair fool you, I’m a grown a** man. But there are a lot of things I’ve noticed among my fellow males around the streets of Nai that are the furthest thing from being grown-a**-man’ish.
This PSA will begin in 4,3, 2….1. Here goes:
-Men who don’t wear watches:
How do you go about your day constantly reaching into your pocket to check your cell for the time or worse still, you tap me on the shoulder and keep pointing at your bare and ashy wrist? Get a watch already! If you can afford cufflinks for your decent-looking shirt, please get yourself some decent wristwear, it’s for your own good. (preferably in leather, preferably Swiss).
-Men who don’t carry wallets:
I feel all you men out there who prefer not to carry their wallets around. Who wants to have a wallet the size of a Steers burger bulging out of your back pocket, right? I hear you but truth is, when you don’t have a wallet, paying for anything always turns out looking like a black man being patted down at an airport terminal only for you to unleash a bunch of crumpled-up bank notes. Whereas if you had a… *wait for it*… wallet, you wouldn’t have this problem. Moral of the story: get a wallet! If you have one, use it. As far as making sure there’s always enough cash in there, that goes without saying.
-Men who still grow their hair:
Listen, if Maxwell himself aka Mr I-have-impregnated-most-of-the-world’s-women-with-my-voice-alone shaved off his panty-dropping afro opting for the clean-cut look, what makes you think you’re special? Men all over the world are realizing that India Arie is a damn liar, and that the whole ‘I am not my hair’ thing is complete hogwash. It doesn’t matter whether you’re 5’ 6’’ or 6’ 2’’, the first thing women notice about you is your hair. So for us men, keeping your hair short and neat is the only acceptable way to go regardless of whether you think you’ve got a hexagon-shaped cranium or you’re a direct descendant of Samson. The fade is in. You betta ask somebody!
-Men who wear ‘mob’ jewelry:
This is a personal one that a lot of y’all men and women may not agree with me. I think my Helvetic timepiece is all I need to compliment the suits I wear. So, I don’t wear jewelry. A lot of men I’ve seen seem to be fond of wearing bracelets and several blingy rings and chains under their shirts. I’ve always wondered why. It seems a bit much if you ask me. When I get married, I will gladly wear my plain but elegant white-gold wedding band (any other type of wedding band is out of the question for me) on my finger everywhere but this whole business of wearing blingy gold pinky rings and what-not, that’s not for me.
-Men who wear those Ali baba’ish leather shoes:
Y’all know exactly what I’m talking about! Its appalling what passes as stylish leather shoes for men these days. I’ve seen a lot of these pointy-looking shoes all over and I’m not sure whether to look directly at those things for fear of being impaled. It goes without saying that having good shoes on your feet at all times, is a must especially since most women tend to judge you accordingly. So you’d rather go for simple and plain but quality leather shoes than those funny-shaped Ali baba-looking shoes. I’m just sayin’.
-Men who insist on doing stupid things with their ties:
We all went through our excellent 8-4-4 system where we graduated from those ties with elastic bands to real ties that we learned to tie ourselves. I remember on my first day of school, my imaginary dad’s 6’4’’frame standing over me infront of the bathroom mirror as I tied my tie for school. What I don’t get is why so many Kenyan men insist on tying these ridiculously huge big a** knots on their ties. My definitely of a big knot is one which fills up the entire V-shaped area in between shirt and the suit and makes the shirt collar look reaaally tiny in comparison. I don’t understand anyone who want to tie their ties in this weird fashion especially since it ends up making your tie look short, unless you enjoy walking around looking like a damn clown with a bowtie on or something. Funga tai vizuri!
-Men who insist on wearing their ‘stunna shades’ unnecessarily:
I reckon the only time men should be allowed to wear sunglasses is when they’re in the CBD. Why? Because otherwise you’d just look like a damn pervert checking out all those attractive women that walk by. Atleast with sunglasses, it’s not always that obvious what or who or who’s what you nearly broke your neck trying to get mental images of. Generally speaking, most men who wear sunglasses are usually trying to hide something. Personally, I’ve never seen the point of owning a pair of sunglasses. Besides, I’ve gotten so many compliments about these ‘beautiful’ brown eyes of mine – why would I want to go from that to being that shady-looking tall guy that always wears sunglasses?
Otherwise, I’m out. ‘Nice time!’ & Happy weekend, y’all.
Now playing: Little Brother ft. Dion – ‘Step Ya Game Up’